so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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