Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I am naked and annoyed.
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