i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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