Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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