Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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