I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
