Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
