ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
