I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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