So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
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