And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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