ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
