Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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