we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
