You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize