Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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