I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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