i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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