She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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