i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
