3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
