I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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