Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
