Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
