we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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