Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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