i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
