I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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