but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
