people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
