im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
