she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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