Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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