When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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