I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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