The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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