'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
