I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
