Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room