If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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