no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think your dad took our porno
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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