It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
