I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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