he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Houston, we have a squirter
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
