So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
it's great music for shaving your balls
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
