the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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