I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
