Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
