At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
