Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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