Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize