You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
