We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
