We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
