pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
