I hate your face
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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