She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
