Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
