The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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