WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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