oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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