just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
