That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
