dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
